One of my friends from college and high school came over to stay with me. While he was here, I could see the seeds of an angry, frustrated, un-empathetic jerk. What started off a small seed, grew to a big plant, and then night ended with me screaming at him in frustration and anger.
I think I saw some of my old self in him which made me realize how far I've come and how far I need to go. If you polled all my friends, and asked them if I'm an angry person, or if I'm an angry drunk, or if I get angry, contrary to what the blog title says, I'm actually very calm. I exhibit none of the outward symptoms of anger. I've dealt with a lot of repressed anger. I've found various avenues to release the pent up anger, I play video games, I write violent fiction. But these are temporary outlets - unless you find the root cause of your anger, you are not going to find peace.
My root cause has always been my family. For the few that read the blog, you understand what the problems are. It's a typical Indian mentality - a sense of pride for really not doing anything other than being born in a place. This mentality isn't restricted to just Indians - think of any racist culture, or white supremacists. I know I'm taking an extreme example, but the idea is the same, YOUR culture, somehow that you did really nothing to gain membership into is somehow BETTER than others, and if you go away from it, you are going to HARM it. This is absolute nonsense. Culture is how you live, not where you are born or the color of your skin, or your religion.
Still, holding on to the antiquated notion of culture, and that things will not work unless people are of the 'same culture' doesn't work anymore. Ideas of happiness have DRAMATICALLY changed in the last century, but unfortunately our parents don't understand and pressure us to do things they think will make us happy. I know if I'm a parent, all I can do is guide my children to make good decisions, but at the end of the day, I just want them to be happy. If they want to be an artist, instead of an accountant, that's totally fine. All I want from my children is, no matter what they pursue, they pursue it whole-heartedly.
I'm of the strong belief, that if you truly love something, and are passionate about it, you WILL struggle. Life WILL be hard. But that struggle and the joy of achieving what you are passionate about is the ultimate happiness. The joy that comes from achievement cannot be substituted by money, sex or anything else.
My parents firmly believed that I needed to study computer science and get an IT job to be successful, because, that's where the jobs were, and then if you get a job, you get money, and then you get happy. Something isn't right here. Money isn't happiness. They tell you this all the time, but they don't practice it, because they suck at money.
When you LIKE what you're doing, and you get good at it, guess what? The money just comes. It's almost stupid. You can make a shit ton of money and be dishonest and unhappy, and is that going to make your parents happy? It's not. I understand that we live in a society, and that there's a lot of peer pressure, but I think at the end of the day, the tough decisions have to be made.
I was lucky that I moved to another country and so I didn't have to deal with the society pressure, but if there's one thing I can tell all of you that are struggling with these issues is - MOVE. Get away. I know you don't have money. I know it's a huge risk. I know it could suck. But guess what? Do you just want to sit there and do nothing to improve your situation and contemplate suicide? Brothers and sisters out there - CHOOSE LIFE. Life is tough. There were times in my life, where I have lived on a couch for 4 months, had all my belongings in a laundry basket. I would eat twice a week and some days I would drink a cup of coffee to stave off hunger, but I would GLADLY do it again if it meant that I pursued what I was passionate about. Because through these difficult times, you gain independence, as well as control of your destiny. And freedom from the ABSURD shackles of your parents and your society.
I think I saw some of my old self in him which made me realize how far I've come and how far I need to go. If you polled all my friends, and asked them if I'm an angry person, or if I'm an angry drunk, or if I get angry, contrary to what the blog title says, I'm actually very calm. I exhibit none of the outward symptoms of anger. I've dealt with a lot of repressed anger. I've found various avenues to release the pent up anger, I play video games, I write violent fiction. But these are temporary outlets - unless you find the root cause of your anger, you are not going to find peace.
My root cause has always been my family. For the few that read the blog, you understand what the problems are. It's a typical Indian mentality - a sense of pride for really not doing anything other than being born in a place. This mentality isn't restricted to just Indians - think of any racist culture, or white supremacists. I know I'm taking an extreme example, but the idea is the same, YOUR culture, somehow that you did really nothing to gain membership into is somehow BETTER than others, and if you go away from it, you are going to HARM it. This is absolute nonsense. Culture is how you live, not where you are born or the color of your skin, or your religion.
Still, holding on to the antiquated notion of culture, and that things will not work unless people are of the 'same culture' doesn't work anymore. Ideas of happiness have DRAMATICALLY changed in the last century, but unfortunately our parents don't understand and pressure us to do things they think will make us happy. I know if I'm a parent, all I can do is guide my children to make good decisions, but at the end of the day, I just want them to be happy. If they want to be an artist, instead of an accountant, that's totally fine. All I want from my children is, no matter what they pursue, they pursue it whole-heartedly.
I'm of the strong belief, that if you truly love something, and are passionate about it, you WILL struggle. Life WILL be hard. But that struggle and the joy of achieving what you are passionate about is the ultimate happiness. The joy that comes from achievement cannot be substituted by money, sex or anything else.
My parents firmly believed that I needed to study computer science and get an IT job to be successful, because, that's where the jobs were, and then if you get a job, you get money, and then you get happy. Something isn't right here. Money isn't happiness. They tell you this all the time, but they don't practice it, because they suck at money.
When you LIKE what you're doing, and you get good at it, guess what? The money just comes. It's almost stupid. You can make a shit ton of money and be dishonest and unhappy, and is that going to make your parents happy? It's not. I understand that we live in a society, and that there's a lot of peer pressure, but I think at the end of the day, the tough decisions have to be made.
I was lucky that I moved to another country and so I didn't have to deal with the society pressure, but if there's one thing I can tell all of you that are struggling with these issues is - MOVE. Get away. I know you don't have money. I know it's a huge risk. I know it could suck. But guess what? Do you just want to sit there and do nothing to improve your situation and contemplate suicide? Brothers and sisters out there - CHOOSE LIFE. Life is tough. There were times in my life, where I have lived on a couch for 4 months, had all my belongings in a laundry basket. I would eat twice a week and some days I would drink a cup of coffee to stave off hunger, but I would GLADLY do it again if it meant that I pursued what I was passionate about. Because through these difficult times, you gain independence, as well as control of your destiny. And freedom from the ABSURD shackles of your parents and your society.
