It's been a long time since I wrote in this blog. My life has changed (as life is wont to do). Things are getting heated up between the family. I got a call from the mother yesterday afternoon, and she launched into
"Have you forgotten your culture?"
"What?"
"Do you know that we are part of a Muslim culture, and an Indian culture and just because you are there doesn't mean you can forget that."
"What are you talking about?"
"The pictures on Facebook. I saw them"
"Oh, about the girl"
"What is that? I can never accept something like that"
"Oh really?"
I don't want to launch into what went after that except for a lot of screaming and some crying on her part. Mostly it ended with her saying I'll never be happy.
Is this a cultural thing? Why can't parents be happy if their children are happy? So essentially, I've written this whole blog about my anger, my hatred, and a lot of it stems from the anger towards my family. When I think about the word family, it conjures up tension, money, and anger. I have 0 positive feelings about family. And then, now they want to dictate how I start my family? I don't want their prescribed bullshit dose of 'happiness'. They are unhappy people. I'm happy. I don't want to be unhappy like them, and I'm a different person from them. It sounds indignant, but I'm standing up for what I believe is right.
If I bend to this - who I'm marrying - what is left? This is the single most important decision in my life, and I'm going to trust - MY PARENTS? Are you fucking crazy? They have been wrong about almost every single thing in life, and I'm showing them what it takes to be happy. To manage money. To not judge people. But they are comfortable in their unhappy, messed up, drama filled life.
So this is it for me. I'm finally drawing a line in the sand. I'm divorcing (disowning) my parents. In 2 years, when I do get married to my (non-muslim, white) gf, they will be out of my life. And I'm more than happy with that. Disassociating with them will cure me of the anger. I'm calmer now in life, and I know what I want. My life is here - I can't live in Dubai or in India. I don't fit into that culture. I don't mean that in a negative way, of course I would make friends, but I wouldn't be able to live there. Where I'm judged for my beliefs about god, family, women and work.
For people that are reading, is this your only way out? To get out of where you are? I don't think so. Just get away from what's causing you anger, and STAND YOUR GROUND. The fight is tough - hearing your own mother curse you is not for the weak. But I'm not bowing down to tyranny. And neither should you.
