I read that when I was in 5th grade, and I can't forget it. I always wonder about this. I've met so many people, that seem dumb as hell, but are happy. But the sadder, whiny (yes that's me), emo people always seem to be smarter. When you learn something, it helps you to look at the world in a broader context, but at the same time, it introduces doubt in your mind. Every time I've learned something, it makes me doubt what I know even more.
This is when I start thinking about what is the correct answer, what is ideal? And there's never any answer. But from all these years of being, the one thing I've come to understand is that if I spend more time at a problem, I will reach a solution. So I'm always thinking I have to just work hard at the problem and the solution will appear. I'm aspiring to be Buddha or a prophet, when from what everyone else has written or said - there's no solution to life.
One of the solutions is to stop thinking so much about what is the point of life? Instead, focus on tasks and then these questions will melt away. I try very hard to do so. I keep myself occupied constantly, except when I'm at work, because the work at this point challenges me very little and so I have very little reason to focus.
Yesterday I went to the park and I thought I would sit under a tree and think about my life. What do I want out of life? What are my issues? Why am I unhappy and malcontent? Will I ever achieve contentedness? I don't even want to be happy, I just want to be content. I'm always looking for better. When I fail to achieve it, I blame myself for being lazy and stupid. Mostly lazy, because I believe that you can be born fairly stupid, but if you work hard, you can be really good. I'm not very smart. I think I project the illusion of being smart, but for the most part, I don't believe I'm smart. Or maybe I am. I don't know.
I don't know how to answer that question.
It's just another in a mess of questions that I don't know how to answer.
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